Parents & Parenting

Good parenting first involves having a healthy marriage, and this should be the number one priority of any parent. When a marriage goes bad or if a marriage never took place, it is still the primary goal of both parents to have a healthy relationship. The child should never feel pulled between parents.

Every child deserves to be able to have a nurturing relationship with both parents. Consider the following excerpt from a national report.

"There is an abundant body of research proving that children raised in households headed by continuously married parents fare, on average, better than children growing up in any other family structure. Children growing up without a married mother and father are more likely to experience school failure, to suffer from emotional disturbance or depression, and to abuse drugs. These differences in outcomes for children in two-parent, married families and other families persist even after controlling for family characteristics such as race and parents' education. For example, children growing up without a married mother and father are about twice as likely to drop out of school, over 50 percent more likely to have a child themselves as a teenager, and over 50 percent more likely to abuse controlled substances. As adults, they are over 30 percent more likely to be both out of school and out of work, and tend to have less stable relationships.

The better outcomes experienced by children in two-parent, married families are only partly attributed to higher incomes. Married parents also tend to spend more time with their children, be more connected to their community, and have more stable relationships.

Cohabitation is not equivalent to marriage in promoting the well being of children. By the time they reach age 16, three quarters of children born to cohabiting parents will see their parents separate, compared to only about one third of children born to married parents. In the last decade, the proportion of cohabiting mothers who eventually marry their child's father fell from 57 percent to 44 percent."

Healthy marriages and children

• Work at having a healthy marriage
• Do not fight in front of children
• Agree on how to raise the children
• Do not "save" discipline of the children for one parent
• Spend time together with the children
• Both parents need to show love and affection to the children
• Children should feel free to talk to both parents
• Both parents need to listen to the children

Unmarried parents and children

• Work at having a healthy relationship with the other parent
• Do not fight in front of children
• Do not put children in the middle
• Do not control the relationship of the other parent with the children
• Do not talk negatively about the other parent
• If you have to address something the other parent said or did, do not attack the other parent- just address the issue
• Encourage time spent with the other parent
• Do not manipulate your children into not having a relationship with the other parent